I love a good squirrel and the occasional possum,

Lord have mercy, how they taste awesome?

Staring at me from the pot, right after church.

I grab some sweet taters and cold sweet tea,

Hush puppies, corn bread, and sap from the tree,

And set the table out back, that we may eat.

Lord we thank you for the coon fat gravy,

Give us our bread, and oh, just maybe,

Could you pro-vide some cow tongue and pig feet for a treat?

We slop it up and ask for seconds,

There ain’t hardly enough I begin to reckon,

I fetch the boomstick, the dog, and hit the trail. (more…)

Colt 45 and two full mags, baby that’s all I need.
Jump me in the park after dark, and I’ll smoke you in the teeth.
When my clips drop your heart will stop, bloods flowing out your head,
Your friends will see not to mess with me, ‘cause now your ass is dead.
So go out and get a job, workin’ at a sewage farm,
Cause a job demands no idle hands, that wanna challenge Right to Bear Arms.

You were gonna live your life, but you got high,

You were gonna grow up and find a wife, but you got high,

You broke in-to my house, and now you must die,

Why? Because you got high, it caused you to die, now your mother will cry.

Eight-Seven-O, now you know, it holds 4 to 6 three-inch shells, (more…)

Face in a trance,

While I wait,

I’m so happy I could dance.

You came up to me,

And you asked me,

“Sir, please” What do you want?

Loud people, and loud noises

No matter I ignore this,

One deep breath,

And I say altogether,

I want the number seven spicy,

With some red beans,

And some BBQ, Sauce on the side,

And why don’t you give it to me,

With the buttery, buttery bis-cuit and some Dr. P. (more…)

I was just getting into my steaming bubble bath after getting home and making dinner when my five year old knocked on the door said, “Mom, there’s a man here that says he from the FBI.  He wants to talk to you.”

Startled, I jumped out of the tub only to slip and bash my head onto the edge of the porcelain.  When the stars faded, I hurried more carefully to get to the door and to my daughter.  I yelled for her.

“Angela!”

No response.  I was horrified when I discovered that the door had been jammed from the outside, effectively locking it.  I was trapped.  My daughter’s voice no longer audible.  I knew she was gone, I yelled and created a commotion that I hoped would wake the neighbors.

After yelling for what seemed like an hour (I found out later it was only fifteen minutes) the Sheriff’s Department came and released me from my ceramic trap.  The door of the bathroom opened and two young Clark County Deputies, one a baby-faced “man” who looked no older than 19 and his partner, a blonde that had a permanent bitch face, looked down at me on the tile floor.  His expression was one of pity for a thirty something woman sitting against the wall of her bathroom covered only with a towel as he offered to help me up.  Hers was a look of contempt laced with annoyance. (more…)