I feel for him, and fell hard. He told me he loved me, and I belived him with every cell in my body, and it was the same for me, I was in lovewith him. Somewhere between the blinding perfection of young love, there was something wrong. My parents didn’t approve of him of course, convienced he was only after one thing, though that wasn’t true. My favorite place in the world was soon in his arms in the bed of his truck, where we had only ever made out; he didn’t push me into something I would regret.

He understood me, my thoughts, my need for freedom, how much I loved him. I understood his feelings, his songs, and how much he really wanted me. The first time he told me he loved me, I wanted to give in and give myself to him, but I couldn’t. he said it was okay, that he didn’t want to, not yet. He held and kissed me, and whispered ‘I love you’. I’ll never forget how seet it felt to say it back.

When my mother died, I ran to Jamie for comfort. He held me and let me fall apart, and when my tears were dry, he helped me put myself back together. between my tears, there was his silent cries for my pain to end. That night, I really wanted to give in, to let rebellion be my anchor, to rerally love him. He said no, that it wouldn’t heal the pain. When the pain did finally end, a year of us being together was up, then I did give in.

Dad now accepted him, he didn’t really have another choice. I spent almost every day with Jamie, and our love only deepened. When school eneded and life begun, was when my life took a sharp turn. He was going to collage in Vermont for engineering, and I was headed to California for Marine Bio. We had only a few weeks before we headed off to our different sides of the nation. He called me everyday, and we spent major holidays together, but soon life was too much.

We let each other go. I cried, but he didn’t hold me this time. we had both agreed it was for the best, but I wasn’t ready to deal with the pain of losing him. He called me less, and soon we lost touch all together. When college was over, I didn’t look for him. By now, I belived in fate, and if I was still meant for him, then we would find each other again.

Years passed, in which I had dated many guys, nothing ever coming close to my first love. A few days after my 26th birthday, I got a wedding invination from Jamie’s father, who was re-marring only a few months after devoircing Jamie’s mother. I took it as a sign and flew out at once.

Through most of the wedding I sat in a daze. I mingled with the happy couple and many other guests, but not a word about Jamie came up. By the end of the night, I got asked to dance. It was the last song, and I said yes, convinced that he wasn’t there. He said that I looked beautiful and asked for my number. we smiled and flirted through the whole song, then I finally asked for his name.

“Jamie.” He said simply.

The girl who ruined your life

I’m the girl who took your world

And flipped it on it’s side

I’m the girl who said those things

The girl who cheats and steals

I’m the girl who said I’d die

The girl who never feels

I’m the girl who left you

I said I never would

I’m the girl who loves the rush

of things I never should

I’m the girl with needles

The girl whose numb to pain

I’m the girl who gets a fix

The girl who doesn’t think

I’m the girl who loves you

The girl you can’t see

I’m the girl who loves you

Please don’t give up on me

I’m the girl who may be dead

Before the morning sun

I’m the girl who loves you babe

Please let me have my fun

I’m the girl with nothing

It is my just deserve

I’m the girl who loves you dear

The girl whose lost her nerve

I’m the girl who loved drugs

Chose them over you

I love you, love you, love you dear

It’s all I know is true

The girl has passed

She never was

In you, I see it’s true

Goodbye my love, my sweet romance

This man is leaving you.

• Read through list of the June 2010 Writing Contest Entries.
• Tell the writers what you think. Leave comments and encourage or help the writers.
• Vote for your favorites by placing a vote for up to 3 entries (yes, we now allow you to place three votes, but they must be for different entries)
• We will announce the winner the first week of August.

If you know which entries you wish to vote for go to the Voting Area

The entries are listed in the order they were entered (newest entry first)

• Master Key
• Flowers of another Time
• The Ballad of Mary Meaux
• Angel Bug
• Something For My Soul
• All That Lies Beyond
• Reality
• The power of HOPE
• Amelia
• Who knows where the path might lead
• Tuggler the Juggler
• til He comes
• Dreaming man
• Multicolored Angels
• Book
• Insurance Essay Contest
• Chrissy’s Story
• Memory
• In this Hall
• MARAH
• Excursion
• We’re Best Friends
• Mr. Primitive
• Are You Awake Yet?
• A Miracle
• Our Ride
• Day and Night
• A feeling
• Running
• A map
• Addiction
• Discovering One-Self through Another
• chances
• Memories
• Bang Bang McClaine
• Shadows on the water
• Woods.
• Ode to the Forest
• white rose
• Hope
• I Do This For You
• Drown Out The Voices
• Day For a Hero
• Destyni
• Darkness
• The Ride
• Coward
• QUESTIONS
• For Gary
• Creamed Possum with Sweet Potatoes Garnished in Coon Fat Gravy
• 2nd Addition
• Love Song
• ALEXANDER
• The Better Beauty
• Convolution
• In a Clearing of Roses
• Youth Supremacy: Saving Mother Earth for the Next Generation
• Sadly Ever After
• Every Man in Your Life
• Do you believe in destiny?
• Changing the World Through Your Talent
• Being a Sister
• Awaited Return
• Andrew
• Are You Really Happy?
• cold winter memories
• words
• A Real Man
• Real Meaning
• only to see you
• North Carolina Heartbreak
• Eclipse

Choose UP TO 3 Entries.

Voting closes at 23:59 on July 31th, 2010.

Trapped by emotions that tame

Hearts led around on a leash by its captor

Confused by the rules of the game

A forfeit of control for each fantasy ride

Obscuring the thief in the night

Mindful of the figure in the shadows

Intoxicated by the beacon of light

Consumed by the torture absence creates

A child-like adoration abounds

Hidden wonders desperate to explore

Each destructive hold astounds

The mystery and grace of nature move them

Token resistance to the iniquity

A wolf cries boy in a repetitive chord

Unleashing the clarity of their destiny

As the universe weighs down on me

Within her peace I am set free

Show me how to live

My angel, your guidance your sun, is the only light I see

My twin soul I live for two on this earth

Every road I turn

To make you proud

Every decision I make only to see you

Walk this path with me

The flowers of another time remain

Photos of a life we have lost

No loss greater than the touch of your hand

The sound of your voice to calm my way

My twin, when I feel your presence

This emptiness somehow fades

I will not say goodbye

Nor will I give in to the feeling

That I may not make it without you

From the day you came in to this world

You were by my side

In every dream you remain

One blood, one love, one life

“…in the name of the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.” Mary sighed as she put her ornately worked rosary back into its velvet bag. Each of its beads were beautifully polished to a shine – as much from their constant use as from their original quality craftsmanship. Truthfully, it was her most prized possession, the only thing of any kind of quality that she owned in her small, entirely overcrowded house. Her faith, really, was the only thing that kept her going. It was a product of her troubled first pregnancy – Marcus, her eldest at twelve, had been born a month premature and had very nearly not made it. Ever since she had moved from her native southern Louisiana fifteen years ago, her childhood Roman Catholicism had fallen by the wayside. That trademark Catholic guilt came back with a vengeance after Marcus’ near death, and she became one of the most common sights at the nearby St. Jude parish church. Daily mass at 7:00 am before dropping the children off to school, Saturday confession, of course at least once every Sunday, on holy days of obligation… Father O’Shannon knew her beaten and dirty tan minivan well.

It would seem that Mary’s life had become like a white trash stereotype, the irony of which she might have understood had she completed high school and learned about stereotypes (or, for that matter, irony). She had met Beau as a sophomore in high school; he was a senior. Their puppy love – the cute and bubbly blonde party girl and the tall, athletic, rugged farmboy – quickly transformed three months after they first became an “item” (in the high school parlance), when Mary found herself to be in the family way. The tale here is, unfortunately, all too common in the life of a pregnant fifteen year-old, especially one from the proverbial wrong side of the tracks: she dropped out of school around the fifth month and moved into Beau’s parent’s house after her strict Catholic parents had thrown her out. After the baby was born – Marcus – and was finally home safe, Beau surprised her by proposing, offering up his dead grandmother’s simple engagement ring. Though the final few months of her pregnancy and Marcus’ illness had been difficult on their relationship, Mary found herself able to forgive and forget at the sight of the little gold band with its small diamond. They were married four months later, when Mary was two months pregnant with their second child, Matthew. Mark followed the next year, then Mary Magdalene three years later and Moses another four after that. In all, seven people lived in the small three bedroom rent house that was the Meaux home.

As she slid into bed, a few minutes past midnight, she felt the sense of calm that always came to her from praying the rosary. The mechanic’s shop that Beau worked at – and would eventually, he had confided to her once, own – had become backed up with engine overhauls and repairs following the devastation of Hurricane Ike, and he had been putting in long nights for the past couple of weeks. Never, however, had he been later than nine or ten o’clock. When the front door finally opened at half past one, then, the sense of calm that had come to Mary had quickly been replaced by dread. Surely, she thought, he hasn’t been at the shop this entire time. If not there… then where? She got her answer when the door to their bedroom swung open and her husband teetered in, the smell of cheap whiskey quickly reaching her across the small room.

“Beau, where you been? It’s past one!” “Shut it, woman. Get back to bed.” “Beau, you been drinkin’?” Her husband, steadying himself against the door frame, twisted his lips into a wicked grin. “Ain’t you a smart one. Now, bitch, I told you to get back to sleep.” Mary slid out from under the covers, her thin blue cotton nightgown stretching over her short, stout frame. As she walked over to her husband, she got a glint of light from the streetlamps outside which illuminated her man. More importantly, it lit the collar of his dingy work coveralls and the smudge of lipstick near his neck. At the sight, she stopped, less than five feet from him.

“Beau, what’s that on your collar?” His eyes narrowed as he reached up to wipe the incriminating evidence away. “S’nothing. Now get back to bed before I have to tell you again.” The threat took on further menace as he took a step towards her, his right hand balling into a fist. “You been with a woman? Beau Reggie Meaux, you been with a woman?”

His hand cracked out at her like a rifle shot and caught her across the face, knocking her back into the bed. “Woman, I told you to shut up and get back to bed. Why don’t you listen?” He stepped towards her again, rearing back and cracking her across the face again. Already, her face was splotched with crimson, tears streaming down her face as she curled into a fetal position and sobbed. “Bitch, get back up, I’m not done with you!” His inebriated drawl resonated throughout the small house as he grabbed her by the forearm and wrenched her back to her feet.

“Why would you do this, Beau?” Mary managed to say between sobs. “Why would you do this to me?” Obviously sickened with himself, Beau paused, his hand raised to strike her again. His outstretched hand dropped as he turned, stumbled through the doorway, and left the house. The diesel rumble of his truck shattered the stillness of the night as Marcus, age twelve, stood in the doorway and watched his beaten mother wail.

Adrina looked to the window and all that lay beyond.  The sky was a dark violet and there was no moon this night.

“Adrina would you like to tell me if the sun is a planet or star?” Asked the teacher.

“Okay,” replies Adrina, pulling her eyes from the window and Beyond, “ the answer is star because it shines”.

“Very good.” Says the teacher.

At that moment the door opens and Marie comes to take Adrina to her white room.

“Hello Adrina” says Marie.

“Hello Marie” replies Adrina.

Adrina is in her white room and sits on her bed.  She moves her hand across the bed covers.  They are new and clean.  The fabric feels good under her palm.  It feels like Baby.  Adrina remembers Baby.  Baby was small and round.  Cheeks the color of rose petals and eyes the color of the morning sky.  Baby girl, Adrina’s baby girl.

Gone.

Baby Girl Gone.

Adrina screamed and tore at the sheets.  Her arms flailing in the air and the white sheets slashing about the white room.  Marie and the doctors come rushing in.  Marie quickly pulls Adrina into an embrace, knowing everything. The doctors leave with the white bed sheet.

Adrina cries and cries, rocking in Marie’s arms, trying to hold on to today and on to herself.

Adrina leaves today from the Pan’s Psychiatric Center.  She passed.  At least that’s what the doctors told her.  Marie tells her this too.  The doctors tell her that she has forgotten about the “incident” and say she can go home to her family.  But Adrina does not forget, she will

Never

Forget.

Adrina walks to her mother’s car with Marie.  The two women turn to face each other once they reach the road where Adrina’s mom waits.  There is nothing but pure love in their hearts for one another.

Marie knows. And she knows because Adrina told her.  Because one day when Adrina remembered her Baby Girl, Marie had come in to her white room and just simply took Adrina into her arms.  Adrina cried and cried. A whole day had passed and Adrina was still crying, with Marie by her side.  Adrina stopped crying and stared at Marie with twinkling eyes and Adrina said:

“Do you wanna know bout’ my Baby Girl?”

Marie replied: “Yes, Yes I do.”

So Adrina talked about her baby girl’s sky blue eyes, rosy red cheeks and how she giggled like the wind caressing the trees.

Now Marie smiled at Adrina and she told her of her bravery and her strength for getting through the toughest times.  Marie knew how Adrina would never forget her daughter and that some nights Adrina may wake up scared and alone, but Marie also knew that Adrina was the most courageous woman she had ever met. For Adrina had fought past the dark and found the light.

“Goodbye.”  Says Marie.

“Goodbye.” Replies Adrina.

Adrina gets inside the car, closes the door and rolls down the window.

Adrina mouths ‘Thank you’ as she is driven towards all that lies Beyond.

Marie does too.

“How are you on this most wonderful day?” She begins the conversation.

“I am just dandy” I reply to the back of her head.

I sit up to see where she is looking, Oh what a wonderful sight! Two birds are feeding their babies in their nest high in our backyard tree.

“They are so cute! I wish i was a bird, wild,  free to roam the earth singing songs. I would make people happy everyday just by being in their backyard.”

“I don’t know if i would like to be one, there are a lot of predators out there.”

“You cannot be afraid to live your life because of a predator. There are murder’s out there you know.”

“Ya i know, but i just am happy to be who i am and would not want to change who i am.”

She was always like that, pleasant to be around i mean. I lied back down and starred at the sky. All of a sudden everything started going black. I was afraid! I did not know what was happening.

I woke up sweating like a pig. That’s what i thought at least. I soon came to realize that it was just my tears. I was crying and for once i knew why. i wanted that dream to be true, I prayed for that dream to be true. But i just closed my eyes only to fall back into a nightmare…

Reality!

Isabell Jackson